Gambling Problem
by paradoxmachine
Summary: When Barney Stinson makes a bet with the card dealer at the local casino, he gets a little more than he bargained for. KH/HIMYM, Shameless Luxord/Barney slashing.


DISCLAIMER: I would like to say, first and foremost, that I did it for the Lulz. All shameless slashing is shameless. I don't own HIMYM or KH. I do, however, own a suit. So that's cool.

Barney Stinson did not have a gambling problem. His problem hadn't led him away from the strip club next door to the shoddy little casino with the green and yellow neon sign. He didn't then walk in and sit down at the third card table with the blond dealer. That wasn't what happened at all, but there he was, none the less. He had a good hand of cards, and felt like nothing could stop him. He didn't have a gambling problem, but DAMN did it feel good.

The card dealer's name was Luxord. He had blue eyes, facial hair, and looked to be good at his job. /Very/ good, realized Barney as his pile of chips quickly dwindled. Since Barney didn't have a gambling problem, he just kept on playing, playing, and playing until he had nothing left to play.

Luxord eyed the confident young blond with a quirked eyebrow. He shuffled the deck as if he hadn't noticed the man was out of chips. Out of chips, but definitely not out of game.

"What's wrong?" Luxord taunted gently, holding one card aside as if pondering to offer it to him. Barney glared at him, and in his eyes was the look of a warrior; the look of a gladiator as he eyes his next competator with the intent to rip a man to pieces. There was determination in this cold, blue eyes.

"Out of money?" Luxord offered, like he'd only just noticed. Barney straightened his tie indignantly. Luxord set down his cards, expression growing serious. "Well, sir, I have a proposition for you."

"A proposition?" Questioned Barney.

"More like..." Luxord flashed his smile- the one that had melted many a fangirl's heart. "A bet."

Barney's back straightened, interest stirring quietly behind his calculating stare. "What kind of bet are we talking about? Please, give me the dirty details."

Luxord motioned to the side with one hand, the way one might while indulging another in a particularly juicy secret. "Do you see that girl over there?"

Barney nodded. She was a young woman in her late teens or early twenties. She wore a tight pink dress, and every aspect of her seemed to shout 'available and willing!'

"What about her?" Barney said, feigning a disinterested tone while eyeing the edge of the dress. It had to be too short to be legal, not that Barney minded.

Luxord brought him back to earth as he laid out each sinful brick of the deed-to-be. "Hook up with her, and I'll reinburse you every penny."

There had to be a catch, Barney would have thought if he hadn't been so fired up and ready to go. "YOU'RE ON!" Is what he said as he jumped to his feet, giving his nails a quick glance before going into attack mode. Perfect, as always.

"What happens if I lose?" Barney shot back as an afterthought. Psh, please. Like that would ever happen.

Luxord just grinned. "We'll talk about it."

Sure they would, thought Barney. Just as soon as he'd giving this cute girl a good lay.

"Hi, I'm Barney," Said Barney, holding out a hand. "A little birdy told me you like... Magic." As if on cue, a dove flew from his sleeve, leaping gracefully to perch atop the slot machine the girl was sitting at. Damn, she's hot, Barney regestered as he got a good look at her for the first time. A little scrawney, but...

"Wow!" The red-head crooned, watching the bird with abject facination. "That's really neat! Can you do more?"

"Can I do more?" Barney laughed. "Can I do- ha ha h a. I'd love to show you all the tricks I can do." He shot her a coy smile. This one was in the bag.

"I'd love to see! ...But I really gotta go. My girlfriend is waiting for me."

"...Oh," Said Barney as the girl rose to her feet.

"Sorry~" She called back with a wave. "Maybe some other time. You're a really nice guy!"

"Some other time!" he confirmed, mentally moving her to the 'do not contact' list.

Barney turned with a graceful speeping motion of his suit to face the cardshark once again with an unimpressed stare. "You, sir, are a dirty, rotten, cheater!"

The accused held up a hand. "Hate the game, not the player." He stated calmly as he adjusted one of his sleeves.

Darn it, the man's argument was impressive. Barney had to hand it to him; the man played the game well.  
"I know when I've been beaten. I tip my hat to you." Barney wore no hat, but that didn't stop him. "What do I owe you?"

Luxord seemed to concider, stroking his goatee with two precise fingers. "How about this- you let me buy you a drink."

"I applaud you for your efforts, good sir, but I am only interested in drinks of the female variety, if you know what I mean." Barney winked, sure this would get the point across.

"Sure you are. So am I," Said Luxord, returning the wink.

Barney was not gay. Barney was a womanizer, and he had womanized so many women that it was impossible to put names to the numbers. But as Barney was a man of honor, he was willing to give the man one drink. If nothing else, it was free alcohol.

"Fine, one drink," Compromised Barney. "But let it be said here that I am hetero- wait for it... -sexual."

"I'm sure you are, mm... I'm sorry, I didn't happen to catch your name." Luxord paused to take his seat and gesture to the bar man.

"Barney," Said Barney, following suit.

"I'm sure you are, Barney. I dare say that you are one of the largest closet cases I have ever met." He sipped his drink.

"Kind sir," Interjected Barney. "I'll have you know that I am quite the lover of Vagina. And breastses and curves and other such things. They fill me with joy!"

Luxord laughed and leaned close to the man, breath falling hotly against his neck as he whispered, "So tell me, Barney. How many women have you been with?"

"/Tons/," stated Barney, slightly flustered by the close proximity. He was close enough, now, to count each peircing that studded Luxord's finely shaped ears. "You'd be impressed! There was Cyndi and Rebecca and Lizzie- she's gained weight since then- and Jess and-"

Luxord stopped him with the light touch of a finger to his lips. His voice was clear and confident and- dare I say it- /sexy/ as he dripped words like acid from his tongue. "I bet I could beat them all, in one night."

And Barney paused.

And looked at him.

He wasn't gay, but... He didn't have a gambling problem, either, and look how that had turned out.

"What do I get if I win?"

He wasn't gay, but DAMN did it feel good. 


End file.
